Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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