Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
