we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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