Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have feelings that need drinking.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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