Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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