oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
