are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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