I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
