we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
