I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
