so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
