i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
