Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
