i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
that is very illegal...i love you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
