Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
