I wish I could punch you in the face.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
