So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
