At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
