I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
