I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
