I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
