I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize