Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
