Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
