shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
