Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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