I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
