it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
