I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
