what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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