My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
