I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
