Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize