There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
