Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
