literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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