then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
