i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
