All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
