I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
