ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
