Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
