i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
