I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
