I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
