All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
