You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
