When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
