lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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