i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i will never coherently bang her
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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