i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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