PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
