well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
