Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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