I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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