you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
