Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
