worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize