He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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