I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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