I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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