Got a toothbrush?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
