Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
