Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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