I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
